Back to my first love... my story
During my younger teenage years (I gave my life to Christ as a teen) I was hungry for God and I was desperate to get into Gods presence. I love being in His Church, with His people and even though people didn’t understand the transformation that happened on the inside, I didn’t let anyone stop me from just being with God. I guess I was madly in love with Him. As long as God was on my side I was invincible.
I guess something happened to me, well make that two things.
1- Life and
Life’s pressures started to get to me. I was now a young adult I have to pay for this and that, a specific situation needs my attention, I have battles to face, problems to solve, my life’s more busier, I’m a volunteer or leader of x y z. I guess I was now subject to the demands of this world instead of the demands of my God like I used to be. Yes I still went to church, I prayed, read my Bible but a couple of weeks ago I guess I realised something. I craved the days where my heart was so sold out to the king of kings- my first true love.
I missed that ‘girl’ of God- the one who didn’t let life get to her. It’s like I forgot what it means to smile – like where did that ‘girl’ go?
You may have read my last blogs where you probably got the sense that things were not really going my way, jobs weren’t falling into place, relationships didn’t work out the way I thought it would or just being ‘so busy’ that I would forget to enjoy the moments that God was showing me. But hey Good news! We serve a mighty God! For the Bible says in Jeremiah 11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future’. (Jeremiah 29:11)
Or this beloved scripture in Psalms which I love and find incredibly encouraging, ‘I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;’ (Psalms 29:11)
Gods doing a working in you, rest assured He’s got you’
It’s about time that we started to believe that instead of letting fear/greed or worry be our god.
Looking back, things weren’t probably working out my way because my motives weren’t godly it was more selfish instead of selfless. For example, I was more concerned about writing the pages in my life rather than surrendering my life over to God. In my head I had it all planned but it’s funny how God ‘broke’ this mindset and is showing me His plans, they are more beautiful than I imagined.
My desires were all about me, status, and fame, whatever I could get. I forgot to realise my purpose. All of the things I was heading for or walking towards were slowly starting to become stripped away. Why? So I could see Him again. I see now that He was trying to bring me back to this place or the girl I used to be where I didn’t care about anything else but Him where I was at my peak! I was just living for Him! If my will and my desires surpasses doing what God is calling me to do surely I have missed the point? If it’s all about me am I really fulfilling my God written destiny?
As for me, well, in this season, well my life’s moving slowly, I’m not doing what I thought I would be doing or things weren’t panning out the way I had it planned BUT it’s ok because Gods in control – He sees the end
There’s only one thing I need to remember in this season I need to go back to basics and stay/trust and love the Lord my God. Because in the end of the day this world will fade and His kingdom doesn’t.